Pheromones - The Laws of Attraction and the Modern Dating Scene
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The Laws of Attraction and the Modern Dating Scene

A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors (fashion, weight, skin tone, hair styles, body decoration). We have roughly standardized perceptions of 'attractive' individuals, though it can vary over history and in different parts of the world.




Generally speaking, we select partners that are roughly similar to our own level of 'reproductive attractiveness' (measured in the wide sense). This means that it is not only the most 'attractive' individuals who manage to form partnerships - there is someone for everyone.

An excellent book that deals with attraction from an evolutionary perspective is 'The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature' by Geoffrey Miller. His hypothesis is that a lot of how we conduct our lives e.g. high status jobs, creative work, being charitable or popular for example, sends signals to attract potential partners.

Ideas about compatibility include 'opposites attract' and 'like-minded attract'. There seems to be clinical support for both positions. On the one hand we may be drawn to individuals who have characteristics we lack. They may reflect our shadow side - the elements that reside within us but which we refuse to acknowledge. They may also balance or complement our personalities. Some examples of differences include highly-driven v. relaxed, artistic v. scientific, sporty v. sedate and introverted v. extroverted. On the other hand, like-minded individuals may connect well because it widens the field of interaction, for example sports lovers can play and watch games together, and extroverts can socialize happily. What seems important in either of these positions is that the underlying core values are congruent. Ethical and social ideals tend to be matched in solid partnerships.

Various factors can be at play during the initial attraction. Sometimes it begins as physical impulse - pheromones doing their work - and sometimes it starts as an emotional connection first. Usually it involves an implicit assessment of the other's suitability as a potential mate (genetic donor) and/or a long-term partner (protector of self and of future offspring). This entails a complex interplay of observation (often matching them up to our ideal, or even setting them up as an ideal), reaction (via chemicals and body language) and interaction.



An available person is likely to send out the right signals when they are self-contented. It is a clich??, but a relevant one - when we can accept and love ourselves, we are in a good position to be accepted and loved by another. Inner confidence makes itself visible to potential partners. It is more convincing than 'fake' confidence (though sometimes in imagining ourselves confident, we can become it). This is why many happily committed individuals can be so appealing to others.

There are more and more forums for finding love including internet, speed-dating, lonely-hearts columns and match-making services. There have been many success stories linked with these platforms and they are drawing a wide audience. They are effective in part because they exclude individuals who are not looking for romance. The drawbacks can be that we don't have time to see the individual in roles other than as a 'potential date'. Also, increasingly relationships begin in the virtual sphere (online, SMS texts) which can remove some of the depth of a real relationship including the pain of being rejected. For clients in therapy who are considering more traditional meeting grounds, we explore options such as taking up hobbies, playing sports, joining clubs or organizing friendly dinner parties (perhaps asking friends to bring a single friend). These activities are rewarding in their own right, and carry the bonus of forming friendships and partnerships.
Edward S. Ferguson

 
 
     
 
 





Lean More and Choose The Best Pheromone for You

People feel sexually attracted to other people on account of a number of physical traits that could be identified, at the level of each individual, as pleasant and seductive. This means that physical appearance has the greatest influence on determining the type of partner we want, at least in the beginning of an intimate, erotic relationship. As a result, we are prompted into categorizing people...


People have long debated how much influence scent has on sexual attraction. I m not talking about the newest hot scent that gets sprayed on you by attractive young women when you visit an upmarket department store, rather it s the virtually unnoticeable smells we all produce normally, human pheromones. Every animal, including humans, have a unique aroma that they give off in order to attract...


How do pheromones work? Human body naturally produces pheromones every day. Individuals who give off higher than average amounts of pheromones usually have greater success with attracting members of the opposite sex, while individuals who don t produce a high level of pheromones attract fewer potential mates. Pheromones are odorless chemicals and they are detected through an organ inside the...


Human pheromones are natural chemicals produced by the body that are thought to cause the attraction between opposite sexes. While it is believed that there is some connection, the real analysis lies in how much do human pheromones and sexual attraction depend on each other. Scientists have determined a marked difference in the pheromones between males and females. It has also been looked at...


Have you ever considered what role human pheromones play in our day-to-day lives. Is there an invisible force that attracts humans to one another other than our looks and personalities? Is there truth in the rumour that we emit a substance called a pheromone to entice the opposite sex, or for that matter, the same sex in our general direction. Well, if we take a leaf out of the book of our...


A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors...


How much does confidence play in the art of attracting women? Think about this for a minute and then ask yourself why you are naturally drawn to people who exude confidence. Is it pheromones at play? What!...pheromones, what are you talking about Willis? Pheromones to attract women is what I m talking about and you better believe they are real. As real as typing in pheromones in your...


So you want to give these pheromones a try? You ve heard a lot about them, your sex life sucks and they are almost a last resort. Next step is to find out what the most popular pheromones on the market are, right? You won t be disappointed given the number of pheromone reviews available but seriously, you don t really believe a cologne or perfume is the answer to your lack of sex do you? Time...





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